I’ve been in my new job for a little while now and I think I like it. I thought I’d like the change because I needed it, but I think I might like my job.
Knowing what I’m usually like, I was worried that I’d spend so much time concerned about adjusting to new people and the new people adjusting to me and being so scared about not knowing what I was doing that it would stop me from actually being able to do it.
Well I surprised myself with how relaxed I’ve been about the whole thing. I guess it helps being in the same organisation, with computer systems I recognise and people I’ve met before. But I’m also leaving the comfort of the team I’ve worked with for almost 11 years in the only real job I’ve ever had. I think the transition has been as easy as it has because it was time.
I may have not been an expert at the old job but I was pretty darn close. Now I’m a baby learning to crawl. I think I’ve learnt everything I need to get me going but it can take quite some time to feel like “You got this!” and I don’t feel that yet.
As much as I wasn’t the authority in the old job, I felt like I could use what I knew and make pretty informed decisions but now I have to ask for everything. It makes you feel like a burden rather than someone who’s just new and hoping to learn.
Everyday gets a little easier but I just wished time moved a little faster OR a new person starts and then I’m not the newbie, not that anyone is treating me like it. In fact, I’ve been expected to hit the ground running because I’m experienced in the organisation, but as flattering as that is, it puts pressure on me that I should be at a certain level quicker than a brand new counterpart.
I feel like, in a way, I’ve lost the chance to fail because so much is expected of me. I’d like to think I’m rising to the occasion but I’m not sure if this is one of those times when I’m not as self aware as I think I am.
There is a consolation to any worries I have though – more money. I know, money is not the be all and end all but it definitely helps. I have more money that means I can adjust my hours, start earlier and spend more time with my kids after school. I can already see my son, who only started school in September getting more confident in his reading and writing as we can get into it earlier in his day.
I also get to be a parent they can talk to with Question Time at dinner every night when we can all sit and eat together and I can interrogate them about their day. It’s not always the most in depth conversation – my kids are currently 6, 5 and 3 but I’m getting way more out of them than I did before. Before, I came home, threw them in the bath and then into bed. Now I can throw real conversation and homework at them too.
I feel more complete as a worker and I guess in turn as a person. I get to make decisions and I’m trusted to do so from how and when we make the first official contact to how harsh we are with the final resolution. I had autonomy before but the atmosphere is different now. I feel empowered to really do what I do.
Do I want to be in this job in 10 years time? I’m not sure right now but I definitely don’t want to feel like I’m taking backwards steps, so my “career” must only move forward from this point.
I’ve felt like I spent so much time at the back of a line that wasn’t moving and, now, I may not be at the front but I’ve been able to get a good few spaces closer to the front.
xx woeful writes xx