New Me. New Job.
I’ve wanted a new job for as long as I can remember. I’ve been in the same job for over 10 years and as I’m only 33, that’s a huge chunk of my life. And a huge chunk of my life where I’ve not been happy and just working away to pay the bills.
Don’t get me wrong. I haven’t hated my job the whole time. There were even times, long past, that I actually enjoyed it. It’s been pretty good with flexibility around having my children, it pays enough to cover my bills and lead a fairly comfortable life (if you like being frugal). Obviously not perfect, but better than some of the horror stories I hear about.
But it’s rarely fulfilled me or felt like it stretched me. Of course, there have been things that have changed and made me consider rubbing together the few brain cells I allocate for the working day. Overall however, I haven’t been pushed.
The new job, on the other hand, terrifies me. There are a few points of comfort, it’s in the same organisation I’m in now, it’s in the same building and I’m already familiar with some of my new colleagues.
I was scared when I started my current job but not like this. Maybe, it’s because I had no idea what I was getting myself into back then. I was buoyed by the false sense of confidence that comes with youth. I couldn’t create all of these scenarios that I could possibly fail at, life like scenarios with the names and faces of people that I know I’ll encounter. It’s all too real.
I’m worried about failing. I’m scared of not knowing what I’m doing. I’m afraid of messing up.
But my plan is to feel the fear and do it anyway (it sounds good on my instagram).
Also, I have no choice as I’ve handed in my notice from my current position and I need this for my soul and my sanity. No matter how hard it is.
I have the added luxury and safety net that it’s a 1 year temporary contract and has been confirmed as a secondment. So worse case scenario, I hate it, I go back to my current job which will suck but I can handle it. Best case scenario, I love it and it becomes permanent. And the in-between, I hate it but it becomes permanent so I take it because I get paid more. This is a no lose scenario but that scares me because there isn’t really any such thing as a no lose scenario.
With that said, it’s been ten years since I’ve done anything else and change can be scary. Especially when you’d started to believe that nothing was ever going to change. I know I applied for the job and must have known getting it would be a possibility. But actually getting it has knocked me for six.
I actually have to do the damn thing now.
And I hope I’m not late on my first day!
xx woeful writes xx
Ho do you guys cope with change?