I always thought my wife and kids were enough. That our love was enough. That the happiness they make me feel is enough. And then I met you.
And now I don’t know if I’m coming or going. I don’t know who I am. Because so much of who I am was wrapped up in them and now all of me is wrapped up in you.
Every day I wake up thinking about you. I go to sleep thinking about you. I almost crashed my car the other day because I was thinking about you. It’s wrong, it’s messy and I know I shouldn’t be pursuing this, you but what I think and what I need aren’t the same thing.
And I need you.
I know the consequences of that. I could lose literally everything. But I want to be the best man I can be, the best Dad I can be and I can’t do that if I’m not happy. And it doesn’t work because I want to be the best person I can be while also contemplating an affair or leaving my kids or whatever this is. I don’t know.
But I’m drawn to you. I imagine our lives together. I want it with everything I am and I guess the rest of it will sort itself out. Or maybe I’m just hoping it will so I don’t have to worry about the alternative.
You feel the same way. I know you do. I hate that we’ve never had the conversation but I can feel it. We would be amazing together. We would be amazing.
And now I’m rambling because I was expecting your voicemail to cut me off by now.
I guess with some luck it’ll cut me off before I say something stupid like I lo…
xx woeful writes xx