Am I a failure? Yes. But only by your standards.
I don’t say that asking for attention or sympathy but I suppose the title of this post is a little clickbait-y. But, yes I am a failure.
Success can be seen in so many ways. By blog numbers. By followers. By likes. By money. Number of friends. How fancy your car is. If you buy your clothes from shops where they don’t have price labels. How happy you are in your social media pictures. How many boyfriends you’ve had. How many places you’ve been. They are all bullshit ways of figuring it out by the way. There is nothing wrong with wanting any of it. But it can’t be everything. Those things simply cannot be the measuring stick of your self-worth.
So I figure success is self-perpetuating. You think success, you are success.
I might be a failure according to some but I am trying to define my own kind of success and strive for that until I get it. You see so many people spouting these beautiful sayings but how much of that is for show and how much do they actually live it? I’ve always wondered this. And the answer is, what you see is what people want you to see. What you don’t see is the hard work, the pain, the sacrifice. The end product is the beautiful shiny by-product of that process.
So I’ll say all the positive words about thinking positively and doing positive things. And I will will myself to believe it. That is the first step. You have to have the right mindset, which I often don’t, to achieve big.
In my darkest moments, trying to figure out my place in the world, I have to remember about the silver lined clouds. In the times where I am punishing myself for not doing enough. For not looking that happy. For not looking that beautiful. For not looking that successful. For not living my best life. Silver lined clouds.
I have successes, everyone does. It just depends how willing you are to give yourself the pat on the back for the things you have achieved rather than letting your self-doubt and negativity take over. Easier said than done, for sure.
If you never stop striving for your goals, you will get their eventually. Or maybe you’ll die in a freak accident cut down in your prime. But if the latter is the case, at least it looked like you were doing something.
And who cares if the normal indicators of success don’t apply to you or me, I’m trying to be successful, I’m trying to be happy, I’m trying. And I’m trying hard. Maybe that’s the only indicator of success we need, how hard you tried.
xx woeful writes xx – sorry just rambling again…